Bring on the Jill!

So I downloaded a sampler of Jill Scott's next CD named "The Real Thing" and I can't tell you how EXCITED I am to hear the full jammy. But for now my motto is "Crown Royal on ice...Crown Royal on ice..." Heyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! Keepin me cool during these summer months.

Can you believe it's August?

Sekou Sundiata is gone from us...

Sekou Sundiata, an American griot, poet, performance artist and dreamer has died. I didn't know much about him or get the chance to see any of his pieces. And yet I got my hands on a piece of one of his latest works, 51st (dream) state. He actually passed on my birthday and somehow I believe I was meant to read these words and accept his offering. What a blessed gift...

(excerpt from 51st (dream) state by sekou sundiata)
What if we were Life
Or Liberty
Or the Pursuit of something new?
Between the rocks below
and the stars above
What if we were composed by Love?

And what if we could show
that what we dream is deeper than what we know?
Suppose if something does not live
in the world
that we long to see
then we make it ourselves
as we want it to be

What if we are Life
Or Liberty
and the Pursuit of something new?

And suppose the beautiful answer
asks the more beautiful question,
Why don't we get our hopes up too high?
What don't we get our hopes up to high?
High!

Rest in peace Sekou, you beautiful cosmic star.

The Challenge of Authenticity

My mind races with thoughts on a daily basis and sometimes I have to slow down just to process the most prescient ones. Now I've been pondering authenticity and how hypocritical many of us can be with it. I might have to come back to this topic 'cause I had a late night last night and I'm still groggy.

But...I've often wondered why so many authority figures encourage young people to "just be themselves" and when they take this advice to heart, then they're told that they need to adjust and reposition themselves for whatever is most pleasing to the masses. No, I don't have empirical data for this, but it's something that I believe to be true.

Why can't we deal with each other on the real? And I mean, the REAL, real.

I met a young man recently who told me that he prefers to show people who he is before they show him who they are. And I have to admit that I admire this outlook on things. Because it seemed that he was trying to approach his relationships from a place of clear truth.

Even when dating, I suspect that many people put on fronts to attract their significant others and if things progress, then try to iron out the details of who they really are and where they're really coming from. But why is it so scary to be authentically and un-apologetically who we are?

I think the answer is complex. But it could very well be, that beyond the fear of rejection and the pain of being socially awkward, that many of us don't know who we are. That is, we haven't spent enough time with ourselves to feel solid in what we stand for, what we like, what makes us cringe or what we desire. It could also be that human beings are too multi-layered to ever have one static 'us' to even show people. We're different people at different times, depending on our moods, on the political climate, our family situations or even what goals we're striving for.

It's interesting to me to see some individuals who appear to be flashy and gregarious on the outside and note that there's someone extremely frightened or unsure beneath. Likewise, I've met people who appear to be extremely quiet and non-social, who are teeming with ideas and passions and causes beneath their surface.

I think part of this life's journey is to constantly uncover our layers.

I seek out friends and lovers who are authentic and real. Who don't need to deceive me so that I can be impressed. Who feel so comfortable in their skin that I have no choice but to be at ease around them.

Just my thoughts today...

Every Day Praise

I've been working on something exciting that I'm not going to talk about yet because I want to save the surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But let me say that I'm thankful for my family and friends and the insight I glean from both parties. Some of the most inspiring and interesting people that I've met are also the ones from which I learn the most. I'm pretty sure this is not a coincidence. The other day I was talking to one of my friends who was getting excited about some of my latest developments and when I joked her about her gleeful response, she replied "I'm making a joyful noise!" And the Universe chimed in, "And you should do the same Daphne!". I realized suddenly how much I withhold my joy for fear of seeming out there. But then it dawned on me, that the people I'm afraid of seeming out of place around are the wrong people for me to have to deal with in the first place. Joy, bliss and unadulterated glee are our DEFAULT
emotions. But, if you're like me, working around people who make watching fire burn a most captivating sport, you forget this more than not. I haven't been making a joyful noise because I've been socialized to remain as quiet as possible. I haven't been making a joyful noise because of what people would think of me. I also haven't been making a joyful noise because some of the
individuals with whom I work don't make the time...joyful (if you know what I mean). But that stops NOW! Life is way too precious and way too short to be locked in a demure cocoon to be reserved for who knows when. Life is about passion and beauty and releasing the amazing feelings that emerge when you're engaged in creating a new.

I frequently read blackprof.com and there was an article (http://www.blackprof.com/archives/2007/06/african_american_male_tourists_1.html) pertaining to the "African-American Male Exodus to Brazil" and why African-American women should be angry. The article was referring to many men's (alleged) trips and side relationships with Brazilian women and alluded to the deterioration of those same men's American relationships. The comments went on and on and unsurprisingly began to get nasty. But my very FIRST reaction to the article was WHY? Why should I or any other African-American woman be angry about this? (Hasn't the media alluded to the fact that we're ALREADY angry?) If these men are happy with their new relationships, shouldn't they be released to do
as they please? Why do I need to be upset about something that has no bearings on who I am as a person or a lover? Phhhffft.

There are too many beautiful people, places and things in this life for me to experience and explore to even begin to be upset about something like this. And what does it say about a media and journalists who continue to dig this tripe from the landfills? If we spent more time focused on making a joyful noise and creating the world we want, we'd have less time to instigate issues such as the above.

My friend has reminded me that making a joyful noise is not relegated to a house of worship! Making a joyful noise is our birthright, part of our everyday
responsibility! So all i can say right now is - WOO HOO! I'M PUMPED UP, AMPED UP, FIRED UP AND FILLED UP! And if feels GGGGOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!

The Hog from Hell?

Ok, I've known about people hunting animals for sport since childhood. But with this "kill" my definition of what constitutes an animal is under attack. In case you can't believe your eyes either, check out www.monsterpig.com and view more pictures that accompany the one to the left. An eleven year old shot this feral boar in the woods of Alabama. Several people have written into that sight to either congratulate the young man or admonish him for violating human rights.

In all honesty, I'm still too dumbfounded to be angry or excited. How could this boar have come to be? What in the HECK was this thing eating to get to be 1/2 a ton? And was it living alone?

Oh well, I guess there will be more barbecue for some one's Memorial Day!

Defining, Refining, Recreating

So I've been meditating on what it means for me to be a woman in this world. Actually I'm at a point where I consider myself as going through rebirth because of all of the things that have happened in my life recently. But it's amusing when I consider that...
for the longest time during my teens I never felt like I belonged ANYWHERE. And for the most part I still feel that way. But instead of having constant anxiety about it, I'm smooth and cool with it. One of the books I've been reading states that "what you resist persists." So I'm all about taking things in stride and moving through and beyond them.

As a teenager, my peers considered me to be ugly (they told to me to my face, so this wasn't hearsay!) and nerdy and generally weird. And I'd have to say that many of my acquaintances feel the same, if I'm competent at all in reading body language. There were teen aged black boys who told me directly that I was way too dark for them to ever consider dating and other boys who would state that I was nice but...
I thought for a long time that if I could just change my hair, or wear different clothes or alter my body that I'd be appealing to "them" (whoever THEY were). But now I know that that race only moves in a vicious circle and even catching someone's attention ultimately means that you'll have to continue catching it as more and more things cause their eyes to wander.
I used to withhold my feelings and thoughts about things for fear of offending or seeming unintelligent. Of course, after having numerous people treat me as unintelligent anyways, I now can speak my mind when I feel it's warranted.

I wonder if I'm spiritually a nomad and really not meant to stay in one place or situation too long. I can't say that I've found a place where I instinctively belong. I'm just more secure in who I am while acknowledging that socially I'm still awkward and potentially unappealing.

If I were living in ancient Nubia, I'd say I was a daughter of Maat (the goddess of truth and justice). Part of what makes me cringe regularly is the amount of lying and deception so many engage in to raise their status or protect their desires. It literally makes my skin crawl. Lies about politics and the environment, the true nature of disease or even one's ability/non-ability to be faithful in relationships...it just seems that many of us don't know how to come to a place of truth and live there. Maybe that's another reason why I'm an oddball. I'll often voice openly what so many seek to hide. I believe AIDS is a disease created in a laboratory, I think the war in Iraq had nothing to do with weapons of mass destruction and I think that many people have no business being married because they haven't the slightest clue of what fidelity entails. See what I mean?

As a woman, I have felt and continue to feel the pressure from society to be perfect, to look beautiful and to attain the perfect weight. More men and boys than I'd like to admit have called me ugly right out on the streets. Some have told me how fat they think I am. Others have stated they think I look like a man. Fortunately for me, I'm at the point where I don't have to argue with anyone about their opinions of me. But I often wonder how these same men would react if I were to dissect their height (or lack thereof), their genitalia size or their overall attractiveness. Would they be able to walk along with no reaction or would they be the first ones ready to rip something apart? Me thinks it's the latter.

I've realized that I must connect with my femininity and sexuality on a level that remains independent of men's opinions. Because if not, I'll be devastated at every stop light.

I once had a cast member mail a weight loss ad to my home address while we were on tour. I didn't know this at the time, but knew that he was keeping a careful watch of me as if he were expecting me to react to something. As it turns out, we came back to the city for a brief period and I opened his letter. And then I knew why he was watching me so closely. He was waiting for me to break down in humiliation.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) I've become accustomed to such insults to the point that I have to shrug and ask myself "what else is new?"

I feel myself opening and moving in different ways and I'm thankful for ALL of my experiences and ALL of people's reactions to me. It only serves as a guidepost of where I need to go and those I need to leave behind.

Bring on the Spring

Last week was the first true week of spring weather-wise and all of NYC breathed a sigh of relief. This past winter wasn't even that bad but due to unknown circumstances (global warming) things stayed warm through January and then turned brutal in February, March and too cold for my tastes for most of April.
I always welcome the warm weather because I can put my heavy coats in the closet and release the weight of winter.

I've got to seriously update my website…but all good things in due time. For those of you who don't know, I have a myspace page now (http://www.myspace.com/daphneshawnsings) where I've only posted one song. Rest assured that's not the only one I've working on and more will follow in the weeks and months to come.

Another blessing of spring is that it urges me to clean house in ALL areas of my life! I've realized that evaluating relationships and so-called friends is imperative for my future happiness and success. At heart I'm an optimist and would love to call everyone a friend, but alas that is not the case at this point in my life. But I do have ways of evaluating friends and one of them is whether or not I even feel good when I'm around them. Another is if they can give criticism constructively or if they take pleasure in cattily berating me. And lastly I also have to admit that friends that actually make an effort to keep in touch score higher points than those that drift in and out every six months or so. Why is this? Well as far as friendships are concerned the less I hear from you, the less inclined I am to care. And once I've stopped caring…let's say that it's a wrap for you.

Believe me, I don't say write these things as if people are clamoring down my door to be my friend. But I do realize how precious true friends are and refuse to waste valuable time on people who are nothing more than haters.

I'll be writing more now that spring is here (I promise). And as the music gets finished, I'll be sharing that as well.

Peace.
Daphne Shawn